Right this moment I’d like to deal with a really urgent matter that, frankly, is just not getting sufficient nationwide consideration: the hostage scenario that’s Ben Affleck’s fixed look on my social media feed. For these of you Gen Zers studying this and asking your self “who?” and “however actually who??”, Ben Affleck is an actor (an actor is sort of a TikTok star however with precise expertise and the power to memorize strains past 60 seconds of content material). You haven’t seen any of his movies. On the off likelihood that you’ve got seen one in all his movies, you keep in mind the chilly concern of getting to discover ways to work a DVD participant with a purpose to watch it. Transferring on.

Recently, Ben Affleck has been dominating leisure information feeds in a means that no man his age has any proper to. Whereas a few of us spent the pandemic cultivating our mattress sores and watching The Vampire Diaries from begin to end simply to really feel one thing once more, Ben spent the pandemic sucking face (or making an attempt to suck face) with each barely authorized woman in LA. There’s simply one thing a couple of man his age exhibiting extra thirst than my faculty spring break photograph reel that seems like an abomination. And, belief me, I say this with love! Ben’s Boston accent in Good Will Searching is the explanation I’ve intimacy points (and the explanation my love language entails delicate gold chains and males whispering “sweetheart” to me in such a means that it sounds prefer it’s butchering the English language). I do actually solely need good issues for the person!

However as of late his thirst ranges have reached epic proportions and I can’t ignore it any longer. It’s to the purpose the place I’m fearful the material of the universe will disintegrate on the seams now that my Instagram feed is recommending me as a lot Ben Affleck content material as it’s Maddie Ziegler. One thing is just not proper right here, folks! And so, I bought to questioning, is there a bigger drive at play right here? Is the person who bought caught on digicam spilling a whole workers conferences value of Dunkin Donuts on himself really strategically participating on this self-destructive romantic conduct for some type of private achieve? Is this actual or a PR stunt? Let’s check out the proof.

Exhibit A: The Ana de Armas Relationship

With a purpose to perceive the complete extent of Ben’s 12 months within the media, we should first return to the start: March 2020. Let’s set the scene: The world is on lockdown. The one factor that is available in or out of my condominium is my wine man together with his weekly supply of the products. In the meantime, Ben have to be the final dwelling, respiration man in LA, as a result of he’s the one determine the paparazzi are consistently capturing on the streets. At this level, Ben has been romantically linked to Ana de Armas for 3 months. This pairing felt bizarre to me due to the 15-year age hole between the 2 and in addition the truth that I had by no means heard of Ana earlier than their courtship (she’s by no means been featured on a Freeform present and she or he calls herself an actress?). This pairing alone could be suspect of a PR stunt… after which the pandemic hits. Now, the couple are photographed inside an inch of their lives. There’s pics of them strolling the canine, laughing and strolling the canine, laughing and strolling the canine whereas smelling the canine’s sh*t. At one level I used to be seeing extra of Ben and Ana than my very own picture mirrored again within the TV display—and I used to be watching loads of TV then!!

What makes me query the speculation that this relationship was a PR stunt is that the ruse continues lengthy after it must. After the summer time—and the worst of the pandemic lockdowns—ends, they keep collectively! They proceed to stroll their canine and giggle after they get a whiff of its poops. They aren’t the one celebs prepared to incur the wrath of Dr. Fauci for a Dunkin order, and they also develop into much less photographed. The place issues get murky is the 2 determine to maneuver in collectively in December 2020, solely to interrupt up a month later. A life-size cardboard cut-out of Ana is present in Ben’s garbage can after the break-up. Look, I do know that appears dangerous for Ben, however be mindful the person as soon as bought an infinite again tattoo and was so embarrassed by it he tried to disclaim its existence to the press FOR TWO YEARS. Getting caught with a cardboard cut-out of his hotter, youthful ex-girlfriend post-split is the form of factor Ben would do with none ulterior motives.

Exhibit B: The J.Lo Sightings

Extra not too long ago, Ben has been linked to his ex-fiancée Jennifer Lopez, following her break up from Alex Rodriguez. The 2 have been noticed a number of instances collectively, sparking romantic rumors although they’ve continued to inform the press that they’re “simply pals.” Positive, Jan. Look, it’s covid instances, so I perceive falling again into it with an ex. I’ve a number of exes on my roster in the meanwhile, if solely as a result of I don’t should undergo the effort of sussing out in the event that they’re secret anti-vaxxers. I think about Ben and Jen are feeling the identical. To not point out, there’s nothing trendier than an aughts couple revived. The ’00s are HOT proper now, and a summer time of watching Bennifer 2.0. is the form of media occasion which may make the world overlook A-Rod’s current dishonest transgressions and Ben’s unhappy cardboard cut-out.

Exhibit C: Raya And The TikTok Heard ‘Spherical The World

And at last, Ben’s most up-to-date offense: RayaGate. For individuals who are unfamiliar, Raya is a relationship app for celebs and the celeb-adjacent, which apparently counts as TikTok stars now. By no means thoughts that I’ve been making use of for months. I assume “noticed the again of Kristin Cavallari’s head at an Unusual James one time” doesn’t rely as celebrity-adjacent sufficient any extra for these folks. Impolite!! Anyway, earlier this week a TikTok informed the story of how Ben, who has staunchly denied utilizing relationship apps prior to now, matched with Nivine Jay. She thought she was being catfished and so unmatched with him. Ben then despatched her an Instagram DM with a customized video to verify his id and ask why she unmatched with him. I’m not going to say any extra on the story, simply going to let the TikTok do all of the explaining for me:

@nivinejaySorry Ben 🥺🥱 #raya #benaffleck #relationship #fyp♬ unique sound – Amir Yass

Who allowed this man to have entry to a working telephone!! My father, who’s only some years older than Ben, fails to understand how Google docs saves modifications instantaneously—and that’s the best way it ought to be!! The video went viral instantly due to course it did. Once more, this seems fairly dangerous for Ben. Absolutely, absolutely, he thought-about {that a} woman whose Instagram bio is only a shameless hyperlink to her podcast (a podcast dubbed “Swipe Left Podcast” no much less!!) was completely going to share that video for her personal private achieve. If this isn’t a determined bid to remain related then it’s simply… determined. Yikes.

Look, the cynic in me would love to jot down all of this off as a PR stunt, and whereas the proof is stacked in opposition to Ben, I simply hold coming again to that indisputable fact that he’s no Kris Jenner diabolical mastermind. The truth is, my favourite factor about Ben is that he consistently will get himself to the highest, solely to destroy himself as soon as once more. It’s an underdog story time and again, if solely as a result of the person has no sense of self preservation. He’s hapless and unhappy, like Winnie The Pooh however with a greater jawline and sometimes six pack abs, however nonetheless at all times getting caught with the honey pot. You actually like to see it. Can’t wait to see what the remainder of 2021 brings for him!

Photos: Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com; BG004/Bauer-Griffin/GC Photos